Saturday, April 26, 2014

Just a Smile

I was thinking of writing a post about Kim Soo Hyun but then it felt inappropriate to (kind-of) celebrate (him) during the Sewol Tragedy so I'm putting that on hold for now.

The wind blew.
The fog cleared.
Your face surfaced.
The sun shone.
A goddess.

A sigh.

I stopped.
I stared.
You saw.
You looked.

A smile -
So radiant.
Your eyes -

A moment.
A second

A wave.
Your fingers -
Long and slender.
My hands -
Awkward and slightly limp.
Shocked -
I was.
You looked back.

A moment.
A second

The wind blew.

Thursday, April 24, 2014


I am currently in between uploading a new post. Maybe it was because the post I was working on was about a Korean actor or maybe it's because I haven't watched the news for so long that I ended up forgetting how real tragedy was, but today, when I opened the TV and watched the death count of the Sewol Ferry Incident rise to a 175, tears involuntarily pooled in my eyes.

A great nation made up of usually happy and loud citizens is now suffering because of an immense tragedy. Some of the victims are even just high school boys. Maybe it's hypocritical of me to say it that way because I'm only a fresh high school graduate myself, but looking through the objective glass that the news presents, they all feel so much younger.

I share this short post today to raise awareness that just because we are not part of the same country and the news is not that new anymore, it doesn't mean that the tragedy's over. They are still there, fighting - whether or not the "they" entails possible survivors or merely hopeful families is irrelevant.

Being a kpop/kdrama fan myself, I'm slightly updated to the Korean celebrity news, and it's heartbreaking to see these entertainers so spiritless.

An eighteen year old such as myself is helpless right now - without my own money or possessions to give away. If we're being totally honest here, I'm not even a donating type of person, but whether or not we have anything right now to give, let us try to extend our hands to them in our own personal ways.

Let us include them in our prayers, or if you don't pray, let us put them in our thoughts, hopes and wishes for even just a second.

Because they are not only mourning as a nation, we are mourning as a people.

The worst is not yet over - especially for the families. Let us do what little we can to help them. After all, we will never know if these thoughts of ours will make a change, and if they will, that change can only be positive.

Yellow Ribbon - symbol dedicated to the victims of the Sewol Ferry Incident

Please pardon the repetitiveness and possible grammatical errors. I wrote this in a hurry and to prove to myself that this isn't just another blog post I made up my mind not to edit it.  (Except for this sentence and the spacing between text and pictures.)

Tuesday, April 15, 2014


Eyes -
Staring me down
At point blank range.
Piercing through me,
Yet not acknowledging.
They are averted
From my existence.

Mouth -
Slightly curved
At those two corners.
But not
Or even satisfied.

It tells of the tales
Of my soul so wicked.

I open my eyes.
It is burnt in my mind.

The smile of the Mona Lisa -
It haunts.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Under the Sky

The sky
Was black,
Not the least bit shrouded,
By the hazy mist
That enveloped us that morning.

The air
Was clear,
Beautifully enchanting us
With the scent of roses
That were blooming that spring.

Everything was crystal,
It was singular,
Everything could be described
In "is" and adjectives - 
No need for adverbs
That confused the mind too much.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014


Just wanted to share my favorite picture ever. This happy goat makes me so freakin' happy. It's saved thrice in my computer: one in my My Pictures folder as NEVERDELETE.png; one in My Documents as NEVERDELETEOKAY.png; and another one again in My Documents as NEVERDELETEOKAYjpgversion.jpg.

Now if that's not emphasis I don't know what is.

And no. Before anyone even asks, I'm putting a disclaimer here that I am NOT crowcrow.

Monday, April 7, 2014

One Day of Every Day

*This is a one chapter fanfic spin-off of David Levithan's Every Day.
*Warning: May contain some sensitive content


That's me. That's everything about me. It's only that name, only that word that keeps me me. Sometimes I pull my hair, break things, curl into a corner and cry because I can't keep up with the madness, but it's never my hair, my things, the corner of my house, or my tears. Nothing's ever mine except for this name, and after seventeen years of existence - well, almost existence - you learn to get by without trying to kill others, your body's host, or yourself.

I sigh. I give myself this every morning - ten minutes, ten minutes of self-recognition. When I open my eyes, I'm a different person.


Can I just.....

#iRecommend Orange is the New Black

"I can't do shit with 'I'm sorry'."

"I was somebody with a life that I chose for myself. And now, now it's just about getting through the day without crying."

"Love is not an excuse."

"Taking steps is easy. Standing still is hard."

"I used to have grand plans. Now I can't even get past the swirling darkness in my brain long enough to land on anything."

"...sometimes you just need to look away."

"Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?"

"There's someone waiting for me. That's plan enough."

"The truth catches up with you in here, and it's the truth that's gonna make you her bitch."

"Feelings aren't enough. I need it to be real."

Friday, April 4, 2014

I Knew


Do you remember that day
When I held your hand
And you bowed your head
"I've never been held
this gently before"?

I knew.

Do you remember that time
When I made you dinner
And you went to the washroom
For your make-up
But you cried your happy tears

I knew.

Do you remember that date we had
In front of a large dome in Italy
And I told you I loved you?
You didn't answer
"I love you too."

But I knew.

I knew. I knew. I knew.

I knew what you needed.
If I had just held your hand a little bit longer,
If I just looked into your eyes one more time
If I didn't open the door for you to run away.
I knew that this would have been
What we could've had.

I open my eyes.

Tears rolled down.

It was just a dream
So close to the truth.


It Was Almost Sleep Paralysis...

Inspired by my sleep-paralyzing friend, I decided to recount the latest almost-encounter I had with sleep paralysis.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Fire Breather

No, it's too much, burn my sun,
Up in flames we go, you fire breather.
Ash and dust, on my door, smoke rise
Trying to survive inside your heart

I Can't Read

Oh how I miss
The smell of ink
against dark thin paper.

Today I read
Once again.

But it's one of those days
When the words mean nothing.

As my eyes scan each letter
I feel a connection
My imagination brings to life
The beautiful words
That author strung together.

But it's one of those days
When the words mean nothing.

When the words reach out to me
And they fall short of the connection.
They ask me to meet halfway.
But I've blocked out my half.

There's a wall
Between reality and I.

Or in this case
Between fiction and I.

Sometimes it isn't so hard
To believe the philosophers
That deny the existence of reality.

Because when you close your eyes
There is nothing -
Nothing permanent.
Only the fleeting images
Left by your memories
Left by your imagination.

It isn't so hard to believe
That everything is nothing
And that
Nothing is real

At all.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014


I was running in the rain that day.

I was hurting in the rain that day.


There is a hole
In my chest.

It is not of love
Or care
Or hurt
And pain.

It is the lack of all.

Yet how can it be
That this hole can weigh
So heavy that
I can't stand straight.

Yet how can it be
That I can feel
Through nothingness
That this hole brings me.

It sends to me
And my body
That pierces me.

It sends to me
That aches of
Dull, dull pain.

It is this hole
That is my entity -
A part of me
That is me.


It has been ages
Since I've touched this pen.

It has been ages
Since this ink marked the white.

It has been ages
Since my eyes gazed upon paper.

Let it be ages
When I put this pen down again.


If I am to be a failure,
Then for failure's sake
make me the best out of all.

To be the failure of all failure,
and fail even to fail.