Sunday, June 29, 2014

Tumblr Repost

With the best of my sharing non-abilities and screenshot-shots, I managed to share a tumblr post. Whew.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Unnoticed But Felt

And another one has gone

Like a snowflake in a blizzard storm.

*To the passing of Cappy. The young rabbit we didn't take care of enough. May you find peace.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Ambivert: Extremes

The loud cheers from a crowd,
The echo of overlapping voices,
The shadows of people passing,
The enchanting lights of the night.

The blanket of people and the feel of their presence.

Away from the voices in my head,
The fears of my heart,
The tears in my closed eyes,
And the non-sleep I get when I lie down.

I am an extrovert because I need to be.
And yet I cannot.

I Had the Answer

I had not thought about it.

It was not until I was given the condition of non-superficial answers.
It was not about icky roaches, unseen ghosts, or a phobia of falling when I was far from the edge, no.

It was not until then that I realized, 

I was answering a question all along.

A privilege for the hurting,

"What is your greatest real fear?"

It took not one second before I could answer.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

They say you...

..........and so far I've only scribbled.


And it surprised me how easy it is to still remember you.
The shape of your eyes,
Your hands
And your smile,
I would close my eyes and see it all.

Vaguely but surely.

And it surprised me more that in just a year,
I could so easy forget
The shade of your skin,
The shape of your body,
And how long your fingernails were.

I would close my eyes,

And I can't see at all.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Forgive + XForget

The expression "forgive but don't forget" always seemed strange to me. It was an expression I thoroughly did not understand. Don't "forgive" and "forget" always go hand in hand in cases like faults and grudges?

For me it has always been so. At a certain point in time I'd be so angry and upset with someone and with my friends as witnesses, I could recount every tiny detail that caused that antagonism. In fact, I could even remember the details that weren't the cause, but rather all the things they did that annoyed me - even those unrelated to me. I'd also possibly argue that they were part of the cause, because well, the person was the cause, and they did things that displeased me so... Yep. Petty anger - but anger nonetheless.

Because when you hate someone, everything they do becomes annoying. It's a universal fact. They even have memes for it:

Wednesday, June 11, 2014


The smell of rain,
At four in the morning.
Dark clouds looming
Over the sleeping people.

But no,
Not me.

Sprawled across the sofa,
There I stay.
My tiny puppy,
Eagerly beside me.

I speak,
Talk out loud,

Never have spoken words sounded so silent.

It's weird because it's just like a movie moment.
It's weird because it's all real.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Sunday, June 8, 2014


In this silly game of forgiving and fighting,
Of contracts and signing,
There exists five participants.

The one who makes promises,
That are bound to be broken.
The one that says forever,
Not knowing there is no such thing.
One that teaches,
And eventually betrays.
The one that praises,
And then puts you down.

And this,
This last one is for you:
The one that curses,
And nothing else.

I give you, my honest words.

*This is the link for the first version

Loss 2.0 - Now, I Know

This is the longer, and I mean longer version of a previous post about loss.

I used to be scared of the idea of loss.

Now? I still am. But surely the fear of the understandable is more reassuring than that which isn't. Although the fear of the knowable is scarier than the unknown.

Because now that you know, you know it exists.

Thursday, June 5, 2014


The spices.
The meat.
The broth.
Put in some vegetables.

I sit on my table of six.
There my children are.
There my wife sits prettily.

I always do the cooking.

Sometimes, I swear there's nothing else to eat around here.

*So I was about to go into gross before going to gruesome. I wanted the meal to be roaches, but I forgot how many legs they had and researched. Then and there I aborted the mission. *puke puke gag gag* So now I'm back to plain old fictional cannibalism.


Make me a waterfall -
Wildly thrashing through nature's stones,
And yet all the more enthralling.

Make me a wall -
So sturdy and strong,
Never moved and never hurt.

Make me a flower -
All that blooms and blossoms,
Picked and plucked for my own beauty.

Make me a rainbow -
So bright and true,
Giving hope to those who once not knew.

All of this you have made for me;
All of this you have given me.

But dear me,
The complexity of language -
Is both a gift and a curse.

Maybe I should've added the word,

Say I to my maker.

A True Sound

I've never heard a sound so truer than true

Than that of an ice

Breaking in two.


The source of my shame
Is not of me.

But because of the fear
Of you to me.



Linking me to all these things.
Slinging me back to all of these
Questions in my brain.

I can't stop.
I mope around in my own world of depression.

My lone self hurting and crying out.
Loud with silence.
By myself.

I just can't stop all the fucking what-if's.

Questions made from all of my own definitions of words, phrases and sentences.

This paranoia.
It hurts.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Just Before

And once more,

                       Before I sleep,

                                           I hear the hollow cry of


*Tried the whole blocking thing. Did it work?

Monday, June 2, 2014

A Horrible Life

My sin,
My child.

So tall and strong.

My stitches,
Borne of me,
My hands,
My skills.
My sin,
My child.

A son I made out of my life.
A son I made not from life.

It's strange how much I love you.
I, who tried so desperately to separate myself from everyone living.
I, who mock anyone and everyone I see.
I, who pride myself in science without emotions.
I, who love you.

I gave you life,
Ironic though,
That you are closer to death than anyone living.

Even closer than the infants who haven't seen the light of day,
Even closer than those who struggle with each breath to stay for one more second.
Even closer than those who actually are dead.
You, who are just learning to live, are deader than the dead.

I cry for you,
My innocent Frankenstein.

*Written during the half of Penny Dreadful's 2nd episode. I just love how even though he's so impatient with smart adults, Dr. Frankenstein loves Proetus so much and has patience with him like a parent would to a child. 

Random Poetry (Legit)

So my friend and I were chatting on facebook and this is what happened. 

She's the blogger friend I kept on mentioning during some posts. Also note that there are some Filipino words and gay slang in our conversation but you'll probably understand the gist of it.

Sunday, June 1, 2014


I was scared.

Everything was wrong
Nothing was right.

For you.

"It's alright."

Oddly enough,
The sun shone that night.

What You Said

And when I was at my worst,

You didn't tell me to change,
To find the good in me,
To reflect on what I did,
Nor to love myself for me.

Because you said,

"This is enough."

*Still inspired by Lang Leav and Michael Faudet's beautiful simplicity of words.