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Friday, April 3, 2015

Every Time

Have you ever been so scared
Of being happy?

Because of course happiness isn't finite
Save for those infinitely insatiable creatures - 
Plus one.
And of course fate isn't unkind
Save for those few tragic beings - 
Plus one.

But how could I explain to everyone else
That I always feel exempted
From possible happiness?

How do I explain
That when I see life,
I fear death?
And when I see laughter,
I feel like crying?
That when I hear heartbeat,
I see flat?
And when I feel the energy of everything,
I feel numb to my fingertips?

How do I explain
That my life feels like an inevitable tragedy
Because I do not feel entitled,
Or even deserving,
To smile
More than my lips can count?

Have you ever been so scared
Of being happy?

"Always."