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Monday, October 26, 2015

Reminder

I can't wait to grow up.

One day, I won't shrink away from responsibility anymore. It'll come naturally to me because I'll want to be responsible; because then I'll be an adult.
This sense of guilt over words said and unsaid will become unthinkable. Because I'll be able to let go easily. Because then, the past will only be something to learn from, not something to hold onto.
A forced smile will only show up in cameras. My smile will still be awkward, but blooming in candid shots.
I'll surround myself with friends I am not scared to offend. They'll be the exact same ones I have today. But this time, I won't hold myself back anymore. I'll say anything and everything, then apologize and laugh later.
A time will come when I won't be scared of criticism. I won't interpret every single comment to be negative anymore. I'll be able to accept them as if they were for other people - opinions that could be wrong, or matters of fact not meant to offend at all.
I will not take offense in the word "strong" anymore, because then, they won't be misinterpreting me. I will grow and become strong, just like the people I admire.
I won't hold myself inferior to the ones I love. This thought that because they are such good people, so I can't possibly be the same way - one day, this will disappear.
I'll be able to see that my unexplainable sense of unworthiness is truly absurd, because it doesn't even fall in line with my personal belief that everyone is worthy of good things. Why should I be exempt from that?
I will be mature. And I won't hold it against myself that I wasn't - that today, I am not.
One day I won't hate myself anymore, because despite everything I say out loud to convince myself otherwise, I can't love myself the way I love others.

Please, let me grow up soon.

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